i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
