i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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