I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
