I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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