I accidentally burped into my bong.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
