I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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