i permit you to call me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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