I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
