Kareoke will never be a sober sport
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you win again, gameday.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
