dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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