Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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