I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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