I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
