I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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