tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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