I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
