sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
