I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
