Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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