why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
