Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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