I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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