Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
