I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
