I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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