Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
