My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
