please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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