trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
