Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
