I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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