i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
