Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
