theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
