Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
