I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
