around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
