for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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