I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How many fucks given?
0.12846
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
