you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We left the knife in your bed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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