batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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