Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
