Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
