Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
