She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize