We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
