even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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