either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
