And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
