Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
