smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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