you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it glows. i had to have it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
