I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
