At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just found puke in my bra..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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