We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
