Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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