I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
