There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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