So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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