Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
