This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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