Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
