so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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