Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
