I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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