There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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