The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
