So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize