Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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