Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
